Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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