i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
How's work?
Spinning.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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