Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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