CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
