can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
