i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
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