OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
