WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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