Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
