I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
