he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
