my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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