when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
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