CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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