i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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