Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
