I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
