ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
