that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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