Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
