According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
