Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
