Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
