she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
