dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
