i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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