I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
