I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
