I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
