Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
