it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
