i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
That accounts for only three of the penises
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
