Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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