the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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