Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
We got so high we made milksteak
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
