Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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