You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
