Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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