does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
