Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
