this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
