hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
