The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
We just shotgunned beers for America
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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