Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
