My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
