Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
