jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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