What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
