Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Boobs are out for the taking
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Are these your boobs on my camera?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
