There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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