I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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