Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
