I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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