And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
