About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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